What I ate day #18 Nutritarian Plan

Another day, another day of yummy food.

I started off my morning with my supplements (which I actually took all of yesterday), and then had a Triple Chocolate, Double Peanut Butter Smoothie with a handful of Naked Bear Chocolate Hazelnut Granola.  That stuff is good.  It has sweetener, so I technically shouldn't be having it in this phase, but is cane sugar so at least there's that.  Also, I didn't have very much.

In any case, this is my go-to peanut butter smoothie.  All my boys like it.  Kailea won't even try it, but the rest of us think it's delicious.  As good as any milkshake I've ever had.  I didn't take a picture because...well...it's a brown drink.  Use your imagination and sprinkle joy on top of it.

3Chocolate 2Peanut Smoothie

¾ cup nut milk (add ice, more nut milk, or both to increase volume and thickness)

frozen banana

Serving chocolate protein powder (I did half Owyn and half Sunwarrior again)

1T peanut butter

1T powdered PB

½ T raw cacao

½ T raw cacao nibs

1 scoop of Naked PB Choco

2 cups spinach

I had a business lunch, so I didn't have the leftovers I was planning. I went to a delicious restaurant in Orem called Oteo.  I shared a kale salad

I had two of these little beauties...plantain with almond butter and some crack, I think....

And the Avocado Sope meal.  It had pureed black beans, radishes, cabbage, you can see what's there.  There was a little cheese of some sort on it, but it was oh so good.  I ate one of them and brought the other home.

I am not supposed to snack on this plan, but I did have a few bites of granola and some grapes, as well as a couple of pecan halves before I had my dinner.  I took my dinner from Dr. Fuhrman's Recipes on his website.  This was called Chopped Nutty Fruit & Veggie Salad

It was really quite good.  I thought I would be fancy and put it in a wrap.  I used one that was a high protein with flax seed whole wheat wrap.  But as much as I want to pretend like it isn't the case, the only kind of wheat that doesn't bother me seems to be Sprouted Wheat.  And it doesn't bother my stomach, it hurts my chest while I am eating it.  I can't really explain it, but it has happened often enough that I shouldn't pretend it isn't real any more.  I am going to be experimenting with Einkorn wheat because I really think that all the genetic modification has made our modern wheat problematic.

So I ended up just putting a bunch of the salad on a plate and eating it.  It was a little tangy so I added a few drizzles of balsamic vinegar, quite a bit more vegetables so that the fruit/veggie ratio was considerably higher, a few raisins, and a few extra nuts.  I adjusted the recipe to reflect what I did.

CHOPPED NUTTY FRUIT AND VEGGIE SALAD

1 small tart apple, quartered

1 small orange, peeled and seeded

1 lemon, peeled and seeded

romaine lettuce (about 4 cups chopped)

spinach (about 3 cup chopped)

green cabbage (about 4 cups chopped)

broccoli (about 3 cup florets )

1 ounce carrots (about 2 carrots)

drizzle of chocolate balsamic vinegar

2 T raisins

2 ounces walnuts

Put the apple, orange and lemon in the bottom of a 14 cup food processor with an S blade. 

Chop all the veggies an eat-able bite size, stir together with the fruits, riains, and walnuts.  And eat.

You may think that was it, but you would be wrong!  Yesterday was Legs & Back day at the gym.  I have found it remarkable what a difference having a protein "shake" with some lutein and glutamine in it makes in not getting sore.  So when I got home from the gym, I made my "Chocolate Cherry Ice Cream."  Again, I didn't take a picture.  For Christmas I want an ice cream maker that does the churning work for you with a motor on your counter in about half an hour and then it will be even better!  But even Gene had to admit that this was very yummy.

Post Workout Chocolate Cherry "Ice Cream"

3/4 cup sweet frozen cherries

3-4 ice cubes

3/4 cup nut milk

1/2 T cocoa nibs

1/2 T cacao

1 serving chocolate protein powder (I used Owyn Dark Chocolate)

1 tsp almond extract

1/2 tsp glutamine

1 scoop lutein

Blend it all in a blender and eat with a spoon.  Adjust to ice/cherries and milk amounts to make it thicker or thinner depending on how you like it.

We snuggled up and watched Call the Midwife together while we ate our "ice cream," and one of our favorite characters...well I won't spoil it!  But suffice it to say that I was crying into mine.  Sniff.  Sniff.

What I ate day #17 on the Nutritarian Plan

Yesterday was day #17, and as promised, this is what I ate and what I thought about it.

Breakfast: Chocolate Blueberry Breakfast Bowl
Snack: Square Organics Mint Protein Bar, handful of grapes
Lunch: Sweet Onion Enchiladas
Dinner: Golden Creamy Cauliflower Soup & Sweet Potato Crackers

So my breakfast bowl is probably my favorite breakfast of all time. I think it is better than ice cream! I made up the recipe and have tweaked it over time, but these are the main ingredients...

The picture is kind of terrible and it is missing the blackberries and spinach, but it's most everything. :) Here is the recipe...

Chocolate Blueberry Breakfast Bowl
1 banana
1/3-1/2 cup blueberries
1 T almond butter
1 serving chocolate protein powder
1/2-3/4 cup nut milk
1/2 T cacao
1/2 T cocoa nibs
Big handful of spinach

Blend 1/2 the banana and the rest of the ingredeints; it’s pretty thick. I try to use frozen fruit in the base. Pour into a BOWL. Add the other 1/2 banana sliced up, fresh fruit (whatever you like—raspberries and blackberries, blueberries, strawberries), a tablespoon or so of pecans (or other nut that you like), a tablespoon or so of granola, a tablespoon or so of raw, unsweetened coconut.

It is absolutely delicious, and best of all it is incredibly filling. I am not hungry for hours after eating this powerhouse breakfast.

I have tried many different chocolate protein powders in this, and for the most part, my go-to is SunWarrior Chocolate Classic. Not the Warrior Blend. That one ruined my life and I cried until they released the Classic again. But I also really like Owyn Dark Chocolate Vegan Protein Powder. A full serving of that is 2 scoops. So I have taken to doing a half serving of each, the SunWarrior and the Owyn. The Owyn just has a rich dark chocolate flavor that adds a little something-something. But anything you like in the vegan protein department works.

I was planning to have leftovers for lunch again, but my 19 year old daughter (Kailea) texted me about going to lunch. And then my almost-17 year old some Kaelys joined us, and then Kailea invited my 28 year old daughter Shirsten to come. So, very fun lunch for me! THREE of my beautiful children and I felt very lucky. We went to a Mexican Restaurant in Orem called Milagros. I did have some chips and salsa, and I ordered their Sweet Onion Enchiladas, with refried beans and veggies and no cheese whatsoever.

It was really quite yummy, especially with both tomatillo and red salsa over the veggies. It was also very filling, and I didn't quite manage half of it. I'm looking forward to it for lunch.

For Dinner I made Dr. Fuhrman's Golden Creamy Cauliflower Soup. I'm not going to post the recipe here, because I didn't think it was worth it. Now for a minute rant on my philosophy of food:

It should be delicious. Life is too short to choke down gross-tasting sludge. There are so many wonderful flavors and textures and food can be one of life's great joys. Now, granted, this may be why I have struggled with weight for the last 30 years, but I really do believe that you can eat wonderful-tasting, beautifully presented and incredibly good-for-you food. So, why wouldn't you?

One of the things that I've learned this year is that the food that makes us fat--the processed, nutritionally void, sugar-laden junk food doesn't even taste that good. It just lights up the part of our brain that is addiction and compels us to keep eating it--regardless of what it actually tastes like. I'm going to use Oreos as an example. I binged on some oreos a few weeks ago. The chocolate cream ones because I think those are the only ones that actually don't taste like blech...but I noticed that I was just eating it to eat it. One after the other. I didn't enjoy the taste. I didn't enjoy the texture, but I stood up, walked across the room and got three more anyway. What the hell is that about?

Then I read an article just a few days later about how refined sugar has the same impact on your brain as heroine. I've read that before many times and it hasn't really helped much. But this particular article said BECAUSE it lights up our addiction center in the brain, it creates vivid pictures and vivid memories. And THAT is why we crave those things. Not because they are actually good and we really like them, but because we have been manipulated by huge conglomerates who want our money.

And it helped. Especially because shortly thereafter I started eating nutritionally rich, whole foods, which actually taste delicious. But don't lead to binges. And make you feel..I dunno...good!?

So, back to the soup. It was okay. It wasn't yucky. Soup tends to fill me up really fast so I was going to have a salad too but didn't, just because I was full. I only ate half the banana with a drizzle of Adam's peanut butter because I was just really full. And even after my workout, I was still full.

But okay is not good enough. The foods I want to eat for the rest of my life have to be nutritionally rich, yes. Kind, yes. (As in not cause torture and suffering to animals OR harm to this beautiful earth.) And it has to taste freakin' awesome.

So here is a picture of it. But no recipe. Eat something yummier.

Why Meditation and Seriously, Two Hours a Day!?

In the past few years, meditation has become an important part of my life.  And an amazing and wonderful blessing in it.  Prior to that, I had tried meditation before.  However, for me, it was its own very special kind of torture.  I went to the Chopra Center more than ten years go with Shirsten for a week.  We meditated every day, and learned about the Primordial Sound Meditation.  Had lectures from Deepak Chopra (whose books I had read and really enjoyed), ate good vegetarian food and had some pretty mind-blowingly wonderful massage treatments.

But the meditation?  Uck.

I would sit for what seemed like forever.  My mind would wander.  Ohm.  Heim.  Nama.  (That's my primordial sound meditation--the meditation the world was making in the place and time that I was born.)

Ohm.  Heim.  Nama.

I would set a timer with a nice little chime for 20 minutes.  I rarely made it that long.

I wanted to meditate.

I was convinced that meditation in general was a good idea.

I believed that meditation could help me.

But I just hated it.

HATED it.

I tried some other forms in the intervening years.  And lots of other self-improvement stuff.  Anthony Robbins.  Limitless.  Breakthrough.  Miracle Morning.  Afformations (No that is not a misspelled "affirmations", its a book by Noah St. John).  There were plenty more.  Always searching.  Always reaching.

In early 2017 I had some experiences that amped up my learning, but I'll talk more about that later.  Suffice it to say that by the end of 2017 I was saying that 2018 was going to be an amazing year.  Amazing things were going to happen.  I didn't know what.  I didn't know how.  But I kept saying it.  And I really believed it.

The very first week of 2018 I had a beautiful young woman named Amanda walk into my office.  She was looking for help in selling a product she had been developing and she was going through a divorce.  I was very impressed by her and we had a fabulous conversation.  She told me about some books she was reading and some things that she was doing.  I wrote down the names of the authors.  I do that quite a lot.  Rarely, however, do I actually buy and then read the books.

But this time I went home at the end of the day (it was Friday) and I kept thinking about it.  Finally on Sunday I went out to my car and rifled around until I found the sticky note I had written on.

Joe Dispenza.  I googled him.

I watched a 20 minute TED talk.

I watched a few more You Tube videos with him.

By the end of that day I had spent time on his site and purchased one of his books.  Break The Habit of Being Yourself.

By the end of that week I had started on both his Intensive and Progressive Online Workshops and ordered a half dozen of his meditations.

By April, I had been to Sardinia, Italy on the Mediterranean and spent six hours a day in wonderful meditation.

It has unquestionably and in the most beautiful ways imaginable, transformed my life.

So now I have the joy and the pleasure and a tingling, wonderful start to my day by meditating for around two hours every morning.  Most mornings.  Sometimes I miss a day or two.  Especially when I'm traveling.  But I get up at 5:00 am.  And I meditate.

I went from feeling stress and pain, depression, anxiety, fear (sometimes crippling), longing and reaching for sleep at the end of every day to escape it to JOY.  HOPE.  BEAUTY.  PRESENCE.

I know that I'm condensing two years of experiences into a page or so, and I will write more about it and bring in some of my journals, but.

Today.  Now.  I.  Love.  Meditation.  And, probably for the first time since I was a small child I love me.

This morning I did The Pineal Gland meditation.  It's an hour and 20 minutes.  Then I did the last half of Tuning in to New Potentials (which I do almost every day) and I finished off with some of the Morning Meditation.

My Jemma puppy is lying right where I meditate every day.  She is even snuggling up to my blanket, which I can't seem to meditate without.  Actually, I get very cold when I meditate.  So I usually wear a sweatshirt, warm socks, and snuggle up with a fuzzy blanket.

Here is a link to his website.  https://drjoedispenza.com/

I'll go into a lot more detail in the coming weeks, but it is something that I do.  And something that I love.

I was trying to find a picture that demonstrates the way meditation makes me feel...this doesn't quite do it but it is nice.  :)

Day #16 on the Nutritarian Plan

I realize that I am starting on Day #16, but that's only because I'm starting this part of the blog on actual day #17.  I have lost 7.5 pounds in the first 16 days, which thrills me to no end.  Especially because I feel like I am eating the most wonderful decadent food there is, and I'm releasing weight for good.  I do miss salt a little bit, but that's okay.

Almost every time I make any food at all from a recipe, I end up changing things.  And this has been no different.  So I will actually tell you what I ate yesterday. I didn't take too many pictures.  Sorry about that.

Day #16:
Breakfast:  Fruit Bowl (I will post my recipe tomorrow with pics...one of my all time most favorite breakfasts EVER)
Lunch:  Leftovers, specifically Almond Vinaigrette Salad Dressing w/Romaine, Broccoli Slaw, and Cherry Tomatoes and Red Lentil Pasta w/Cauliflower and some grapes
Snack:  Mint Square Organics Vegan Protein Bar
Dinner:  Baja Black Bean Lettuce Wraps
Dessert:  Chocolate Cherry "Ice Cream"

These are the recipes after my changes.  All three were adapted from Dr. Fuhrman Recipes from his website.

Almond Balsamic Vinaigrette
3-4 garlic cloves, roasted
1/2 cup water
1/3 cup balsamic vinegar (I used chocolate balsamic--Kaelys picked it!)
1/4 cup raw almonds
1/4 cup raisins
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp dried basil
1/2 tsp onion powder

Preheat the oven to 350.  Roast unpeeled garlic in a small baking dish for 25 minutes or until soft.  When cook, remove skins.  Blend the roasted garlic with the remaining ingredients in a high power blender.

This was really super yummy.  I added more water.  It was so good, I would make it again and again.  Kaelys actually made it, so I didn't change anything.

Bean Pasta With Cauliflower
8 cloves garlic, peeled
1 cup walnuts, toasted
2 cups almond milk
1 vegan bouillon cube
1 tsp nutmeg
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
2 T fresh squeezed lemon
2 T dried marjoram
1 T oregano
1 T basil
1 T fresh garlic
1 T salt free Spike seasoning
1 tsp fresh pepper

Box of Red Lentil Pasta
2 pounds fresh cauliflower
2 cups cherry tomatoes
1 T Balsamic Veggie Roaster spice

Roast the garlic in an oven proof dish covered with almond milk (not the almond milk from the recipe) at 350.  Toast the walnuts.  After about 10 minutes, Sprinkle Veggie Roaster onto cauliflower and put into the oven along with the garlic and walnuts.  Stir the walnuts.  Remove the garlic and walnuts when they are done, and add the cherry tomatoes.

Cook the lentil pasta.

In a high powered blender, puree roasted garlic, walnuts, almond milk, bouillon, nutmeg, nutritional yeast, and lemon juice until smooth.  Transfer to a medium saucepan and bring it to a boil.  Simmer for about 5 minutes.  It will thicken slightly.  Add in all the spices.

Strain the pasta.  Cover with the sauce.  Add the cauliflower and tomatoes.

This was leftover from yesterday and half eaten, but it is at least a picture.

For Dinner I had the Baja Black Bean Lettuce Wraps, again a Dr. Fuhrman recipe.  I adapted it as follows:

1 can black beans
1 can low fat refried black beans
2 large ripe avocados, peeled, pitted
4 cloves roasted garlic

I mashed the beans, avocado and garlic together, making sure to squish the garlic good and incorporate it.

Add
1-2 cups fresh tomatoes
1 medium red bell pepper (or orange or yellow)
2 mangos, diced (adding more would not be a bad idea if you love mango)
4 diced red radishes
1 jalapeno, diced and seeded
3 green onions, chopped
4 T fresh lime juice
1 tsp ground cumin
1 large diced chipotle pepper from a can

Stir it up and serve it in a lettuce leaf or two.  I also had some with tortilla chips.

Chocolate Cherry "Ice Cream"
2/3 cup frozen sweet dark cherries
1 scoop Owyn Dark Chocolate Vegan Protein Powder
1 tsp cocoa nibs (I use crio bru ground nibs)
1 tsp cacao
1/2 -1 tsp almond extract

Blend that all up in a high powered blender.  Sprinkle unsweetened coconut and a tablespoon or two of granuloma with no refined sugar.

It seemed like a lot of food.  My stomach felt a little bloated after the protein bar, which makes me sad because I super love these bars.  I'll keep testing.  I wasn't hungry, everything tasted great, and I was down 1/2 pound this morning on this scale.  So that's good.

Weight Loss

I already mentioned that Weight Loss is a big category in my life.  So big that I'm making it a category on my blog.  I have focused so much time and so much attention to this over the last 25 years, that it holds an almost ridiculous place of importance in who I am and my life's journey.  Seriously, ridiculous.

Let's talk about maybe when and how and why that happened.

Living in the United States, being a child of the 1980s and a woman, I think our society places sort of a crazy emphasis on weight and what we look like.  So what did I look like?  Once upon a time?  When I graduated from High School (Chugiak High School in Alaska in 1987, by the way--Go Mustangs!) I was very critical of myself, my body, and what I looked like.  And I looked like this...

Definitely a child of the 80s, right?

And like a typical American teenager, I saw nothing but the flaws.  I should lose weight.  My teeth were crooked.  My skin was ugly.  There was plenty wrong to see and that is pretty much all that I saw.  

The first time a boy noticed me was in the 8th grade.  His name was Joe.  I was shocked.  And also super excited.  Pretty much every time after that when a boy noticed me I felt the same way, surprised.  Lucky.  Low enough self-esteem that any attention was good attention from anyone.  And I never really stopped being surprised.  

Part of the low self esteem I think comes from an experience that I had when I was in elementary school.  I'm not even sure how old, 4th or 5th grade would be my guess.  I was walking home from school and as I left the parking lot, some "older boys," maybe 6th graders, maybe Junior High kids--I really have no idea--laughed at me and called me ugly.  I cried all the way home.  When I got home, I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and decided the the reflection looking back at me was the very definition of "ugly."  I believed them.  And it stuck inside me like a festering thorn.

So, in spite of the fact that I had no lack of attention from boys, no lack of dates, and no lack of hormonal teenagers doing their level best to have their way with me, I welcomed the attention and somehow thought I didn't really deserve it.  I kissed a lot of frogs.  A lot.  And had a lot of not-so-great experiences with boys.

Perhaps there will be an opportunity to write about the boy who was different.  The one who changed the way I saw myself and made me believe that I was special, but not here and not now.  Suffice it to say that when that relationship ended--in the early part of my Sophomore year of college--devastated didn't quite cover how I felt.

And, at the time I was sort of seeing a guy who I had met at a dance club the previous year in college.  And it was BYU and I did think I was there to get my MRS degree, so...when he proposed just a few weeks into our relationship, I didn't really know how to say no.

I have since learned that not being allowed to say no as a child led to not being able to say no for most of my life.  But that's another story.

So I got married.  

Engagement

May 26, 1989

It turns out that not knowing how to say "no" is not a stellar reason for getting married.  I weighed 112 pounds that day.  I got up early and drove to the Salt Lake Temple.  All the way there, I imagined what it would be like to open the door and jump out onto the highway.  And yet, I was somehow still so...well the only word that I can think of is "stupid"...somehow still so stupid that I didn't say anything.  I didn't do anything.  I just silently rode in the car, went into the temple, and got married.  

Without going into much detail, it was not a happy marriage.  There are some moments that stand out, even more than 30 years later, as painful, heart-wrenching, unforgettable.  That day came in October of 1989.  I had gone out to Colorado to visit my parents, and for the first time told my father how the marriage was going.  The things that were in my heart and mind.  The things that were painful.  My dad, to say the least, advised me to leave.  But, quite frankly, I didn't know how.  I spent several days working up the courage to even say anything.  Finally, I just asked a simple question, "Are you happy."  And he gave me a simple response.  "No."  But he went on.  

"I don't know if it's that you're not pretty enough, or not smart enough, or what it is.  But I feel nothing when I'm with you."  

It validated everything that I had always thought.  I was not pretty enough.  I was not smart enough.  

I wasn't happy either.  So I suggested (quite reasonably, I thought) that we get this annulled.  If neither of us were happy....

But no.  

There was no way that was going to happen.  And that was that.

My body started to fall apart.  I was 19 years old.  I got ulcers.  I got trench mouth.  And, yes, I started to gain weight.  Slowly.  Steadily.  He had mentioned that he would leave me if I ever got fat, and although it was not a conscious decision, I saw it as a way out.  Getting fat, that is. 

Hiking and a 2 Week Check In

I didn't actually end up posting over the weekend, but it was a really great weekend.  On Saturday morning I picked up my friend Jill and we drove to my cousin's house in Salt Lake.  My sister, Celeste, my cousin Mindi, Jill and I then hiked Desolation Trail.  It was glorious!  I can't even describe how hiking fills my soul.  This is another one of those things that I just want to be part of my life from now on.  At least a hike a week.  I figure there are 200 hikes within an hour of where I live in Utah, and I have now done six of them.  SIX!?  That's crazy.  A month or so ago I hiked my sister Gwen up Hobble Creek Canyon and ran into a cougar.  Man, talk about an adrenaline rush!  It was very cool.

But hiking...the connection to the earth, the movement, the beauty, the sun shining through the trees, the trails, the mountains, the vistas...it moves me.  I feel present.  Connected.  Joyful.  Here are a few pictures.  We hiked about seven miles. 

Jill and I then ate at a vegan restaurant in SLC and had some vegan ice cream for dessert.  Felt decadent, but stayed pretty close to my plan. I should have taken pictures.  We had "carne asada" tacos and "pork" nachos that were house-made seitan and jackfruit.  They were delicious.  My ice cream was oatmeal raisin and peanut butter ripple.  Although Jill and I tried pretty much all of them.

I did do my two week check in. And I have lost 6.6 pounds in the first two weeks on this Nutritarian Plan with the 4x a week weight training.  I lost 5 the first week and 1.6 the second week. I did eat out several times last week, which is very unusual for me.  I have hardly eaten out at all in the past year.  I can't control much when I eat out, but especially not salt and oil so...there is that.  I will prepare my own food.  I have lots of recipes coming up that I think look super yummy.

For the next two weeks I am continuing with the same plan.  However, I am adding in the supplements.  And I want to add in some yoga.  Let's see if that makes any difference.  of course, we do have Thanksgiving coming up in the next two weeks, but honestly I love this food so much I don't plan to eat things that are not on it.

Supplements:  The only one that I have taken over the past two weeks consistently is my trace minerals.  I have, on some weight days, had leucine and glutamine added to a protein something (usually some chocolate cherry nice cream :)  I am going to be adding in the supplements recommended in the Sculpted Vegan, along with some others.  These are the ones I have been taking off and on this year:

General Health:

Trace Minerals
Vitamin B Complex
Vitamin C
Probiotic
Enzyme
Green Tea Extract

I am going to add in
ALA (alpha lipoic acid)
Iodine
Vitamin D spray

And on weight training days:
Creatine 1/2 before workout
BCAAs during workout (I've been doing this since July)
Leucine, Glutamine, and Vitargo immediately after workout

That seems like a lot, but most of them are just general health good stuff...and I feel good on them.  It took me a couple months to build up a tolerance for the green tea, but I do think that it revs things up a bit.  I want to experiment using it and not using it and see if there is any difference.  I tried a caffeine pill in July called Shreddabull (or something like that).  It was bright red.  I took it when I got up in the morning in Halibut Cove, and then went to do my meditation.

I got maybe ten minutes into my meditation and I started sweating.  Like a lot.  And then I felt very sick to my stomach.  Usually when I'm meditating I literally block out anything going on with my body...I don't need to go to the bathroom, hunger, muscle soreness, anything...I'm just completely unaware of it.  But I could not get past this.  I gave up on the meditation and went into the bathroom and threw up.  I spent the next hour or two sweating and shivering.  Needless to say, I never took another one of those pills. 😓

For the Yoga, I am going to do the Transform Your Life 30 Day Yoga Challenge for Beginners on DoYogaWithMe.com.  I did a couple of them over the summer in Alaska, and I really loved them. I  just have to figure out how to get them projected on my TVs here.  I think I've been using that as an excuse not to start for months now.  No more excuses.  I will figure it out.

I'm not going to weight train today since I ended up doing legs yesterday.  I will do Chest and Triceps tomorrow.  Gene has been going with me.  I decided when I bought the 18 month program that I was going to go at least a year consistently...4 times a week weight training..which means that I will do 208 weight-training days.  I have done 8.  So now I only have 200 to go.  How cool is that!?

One of things that Kim Constable says in the Sculpted Vegan is that Motivation is not enough to get you to your goal.  It is only enough to get you started.  DISCIPLINE is what gets you there.  Discipline is what gets you to the gym four times a week for a rigorous weight training day.  Plus all the cardio throughout the week.  I don't usually work out on Sundays, but I was not going to miss a day and the 7 mile hike had me pretty tired the rest of Saturday, so...Discipline.

I really need to figure out how to have different links and tabs on this blog.  I would like to do one that is just posting what I am eating every day, pictures of it and what I would change.  My biggest problem is that I am the MESSIEST cook in the world!  I need to figure out how to cook without my kitchen looking like a war zone when I'm finished.  Last night I made three different kinds of pasta.  This is largely because I ended up feeding my family, my daughter's family, my parents, and my sister's family.  And I was a little worried my pasta people would think was weird.

It was from Dr. Fuhrman's recipes and it was a "Bean Pasta w/Cauliflower" which sounds very drab and boring.  It had roasted garlic, toasted walnuts, almond milk, nutritional yeast..I just wasn't sure.  I added some no salt spice mix, extra marjoram, extra garlic, and I roasted the cauliflower along with some yummy little cherry tomatoes which I added to it.  I used a red lentil rotini pasta.  I really liked it!  I did a have a couple of the butternut squash raviolis with goat cheese, browned butter and pecans.  Which, incidentally, is the only animal product I have eaten since I began.  But I think I liked mine the best.  I was too full after the green beans, broccoli and pasta so have the salad I had planned.  But Kaelys made the dressing and it was delicious.  I'm really looking forward to having it for lunch.

I took a little 30 second video of the puppy, Mishka, and I'm desperately trying to figure out how to edit it and show it to you.  I need to learn this little skill for my CareerWize company, and every time I try I get frustrated and want to cry.  So, you will get your video, but I have to do some more research first.  Hopefully today.  There just aren't enough hours in every day to do what I want to do.

So, enjoy another picture from my hike on Saturday.  Jack (my black doodle) was in the top shot with Celeste and Jill.  Jemma (my English Cream Retriever) is in this shot.  I love my dogs.

Today is Friday, November 15, 2019.  The month is half over.  The year, and for that matter, the decade, is also nearing an end.

The last few days, though, have been about new things.  My Kaelys got a new puppy.  A little husky girl he named Mishka.  He is quite taken with her and seems very happy.  Which of course makes me happy.  I'll have to grab some pictures to show you.  She has one blue eye and one greenish/brown eye.  I'm still not used to that.

And my beautiful niece Taieno had a baby yesterday.  To my knowledge, she still does not have a name, but I had the joy of holding her and feeling of her beautiful spirit.  Love is wonderful.  I love my sister.  I love my niece.  And I'm filled with love for this tiny little stranger as a result.

One of the big reasons that I wanted to start this journal, though, is for my weight loss journey.  I've been testing things all year, and I want to be more scientific?  Systematic?  I'm not sure what the word is, but I want to be more of it...about documenting and measuring my results.  These are the things I want to do:

• Eat Nutritarian AND do my workouts for the 18 Month Sculpted Vegan Program (four weight lifting sessions in a week, plus at least six cardio).
• Calculate my Macros on the 18 Month Sculpted Vegan and eat that (30% Protein, 40% carbs, 30% fat) while doing the sane workouts as above (18 Month Program 4 x a week)
• Eat Macros from Phase 3 of the 12 Week Sculpted Vegan Shred and do workout from the 12 week shred (6 times a week weights, plus active rest cardio)
• Do the Sculpted Vegan 4 Week Shred in exactness.  (2 x a day cardio, 4 x a week weights, strict and decreasing meal plan with higher protein macros)
• Do 10-20 days on HcG, and transition to nutritarian for the remainder of the month.

This would be five full months of testing.  I started eating on the Nutritarian Plan on November 2nd, and doing the 18 Month 4 x a week weight program.  Tomorrow is two full weeks.  I'll put up my results tomorrow.  I am thoroughly enjoying the food, however.  This is the way that I want to eat for the rest of my life.  Maybe a little more salt, and the occasional oil but really, this is a fantastic way to eat.  I feel great.  I am losing weight.  The food I think is wonderful and delicious.

For breakfast I had Old-Fashioned Johnny Cakes with the blueberry sauce I made for an overnight oats I made a few days ago.  I sprinkled pecans on top and added some fresh blackberries.  It was delicious.

 

For lunch I had vegetable tacos.  I had leftover charred broccoli and sunflower seeds, which I had in corn tortillas with black beans, guac, salsa, and some aquafaba chipotle sauce.  I had grapes too.  It was also super yummy and I'm having leftover salad for dinner today.  So it's been an extremely lazy prep day, but a very yummy eat day.  Oh yes!  And I also had one of my Square Organics Vegan Mint Protein Bars.  I really love those.  

I got up at 5:00 am and did my two hours of meditation.  BOTEC 4, Reconditioning the Body to a New Mind, and the last half of Tuning in to New Potentials.  I love the way I feel when I meditate.  And my whole day is just better. 

Last night as I lay in bed, thinking about my meal plans and my exercise, about the businesses I'm trying to get off the ground and the properties I'm hoping to sell, things I want to try, places I want to go...maybe I just think too much..in any case, I remembered this blog that I started with a couple of my best friends more than 8 eight years ago.

I have always liked to journal.  Well except during my first marriage, when I discovered that my husband was reading my journals and then making me feel bad about them...I stopped completely then.  But I type much faster than I write.  And while I think it's kinda cool to see how my thoughts appear in my own handwriting, I don't do it as often as I would like.

So much of what I think about on a daily basis is remarkably similar, but so much changes.  I would like to put more things down than I do.  Pictures and even sound could be cool as well.  If for no other reason then maybe some day my children would be interested in what I thought about.  What I dreamed about.  What I hoped for.  What mattered to me.  Or maybe it's just cathartic.

In any case...

I have struggled with my weight since I was in that first marriage.  That's another story, but suffice it to say that it has been a major struggle.  I have tried everything.  And I do pretty much mean everything.  With the exception of weight loss surgery.  And I hit walls.  Major walls that last for months. And I lose heart.  And get busy.

I started that blog 8 years ago after a loss.  A big one.  I think I'll just start this blog by re-posting that original post...

March 13, 2011...(in its entirety)

I think that Sorena is very brave to put up a picture of herself that she hates.  She's brave for a lot of reasons, but that's one of them.  I'm not so brave.  But I'm gonna try.

So to answer the question...Why am I doing this blog?

When I was pregnant with Daniel six years ago, I was so afraid that I was going to lose him that I never took a moment to enjoy it, to be hopeful or expectant.  I was just scared.  All the time.  So after five years, I decided to take the plunge and try another IVF before I was officially too old.  And wonder of wonders, it worked!  I was pregnant!  With this baby I was going to excited almost in spite of myself.  In fact, I was so excited that I could hardly sleep.  The days were trickling by...so so slowly...four weeks, five weeks, six weeks.

I had a scare at six weeks in fact.  The day after the ultrasound (which mercifully showed only one baby--but with a strong heartbeat), I started bleeding.  After the initial shock, and on the way to the hospital, I felt peace.  Like everything was going to be okay.  And it was.  There was still a heartbeat!  The bleeding stopped.  I took it easy.  I actually watched TV.  I read a LOT of books.  Seven weeks, eight weeks, nine weeks...

At twelve weeks we went to Mexico.  What a wonderful vacation!  Delicious food, family and friends, a fabulous villa.  The temperature was perfect.  The water was perfect.  It was a magical vacation.

Thirteen weeks, fourteen weeks, fifteen weeks...I made it past the time when I lost Angelita eight years ago.  That's a good sign, right?  Christmas came and went.  Shirsten and I flitted off to New Orleans and enjoyed each other's company for a few days.  Sciatic nerve pain, heartburn, bloating, and almost constant discomfort were the hallmarks of this pregnancy.  In fact, when Shirsten and I returned to our hotel room after walking the French Quarter, she said she was nervous about having a baby because I was so uncomfortable all the time.  And I was.  But it was worth it.  I knew why.  And it was so worth it.

Seventeen weeks...eighteen...Well, those of you who know me know how this story ends.  On January 7 Gene and I drove to American Fork for an initial OB appointment with a Dr. Watabe.  And our world crashed in around us.  Once again, at a doctor's office, surrounded by strangers, there was no heartbeat.  Our baby looked so perfect, but there was nothing but silence.  Horrifying, total, devastating silence.  His heart had stopped.  This could not be real.  Their equipment must be faulty.  For the first time in a very long time, I doubted.  How could my Father in Heaven really love me? 

That night ranks as one of the worst nights of my life.  I couldn't sleep.  I knew that I couldn't wait until my body understood that it was carrying death...not again.  So the next day, Celeste took Gene and I to the hospital.  This time there wasn't peace.  And everything was not okay.  They induced labor, and late in the evening on January 8 my Anthony was born.  He was so perfect.  His hands and his feet:  knuckles and wrinkles and nails.  How can anything be that tiny?  And cold.  He was so cold.  Once again, my own heart felt shattered into a million pieces. But somehow, when his little body was placed in my hand, my Faith was restored. 

For the next few days, sorrow was the most prominent thing in my life.  I wasn't particularly interested in anything else.  I felt changed somehow.  And resolute.  I would try again.  Not sure when.  But I would try.

Anthony gave me a gift.  The gift of health.  In spite of all of these years of trying...triathlon, running, colon hydrotherapy, fasting, Medifast, Body for Life, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, personal trainers, food tracking, months and months of no result and failure, with Anthony I was given an impetus and an urgency to find the answers for Health in my life.

I've been searching...reading and studying and trying all kinds of new things.  At first I just didn't eat much.  Then I tried Medifast.  But I had no energy and I didn't feel that great.  A turning point was reading Ultrametabolism, then pH Miracle for Weight Loss,  Eat for Life, a multitude of cookbooks. And something actually working.  It's been just over two months since Anthony died.  I've lost 32 pounds.

And I am well on my journey.  I am eating mostly vegan (with the occasional seafood).  No dairy.  No eggs.  No chicken, turkey, pork, beef...But more important than what I am NOT eating is what I AM eating.  I am eating fresh, whole foods.  Organic fruits.  Organic vegetables.  Drinking alkaline water.  I think maybe the key to health and weight loss is planning.  It's knowing what to eat and when and how much.  Not just to not be hungry, but to nourish your body, feed your soul, and heal whatever ails you.  To do that, having options helps A LOT.  So, we are trying hundreds of new recipes that use all the foods that are best for your body (from what I can determine).  And a little trust in yourself.  And a reason to keep going when it's hard and different from what everyone else eats.

I feel good.  I have energy.  I am happy.  Optimistic.  Joyful....(end of post from 2011)

Yes.  That was March of 2011.  It's now, if you're keeping track, November of 2019.  It's been a long, long time.  Over eight and a half years.  And much has changed.  And much has not.

It's now been 14 years since my Daniel was born and almost 9 since I gave birth to Anthony.  I did lose weight back in 2011...almost 60 pounds...but I gained a lot of it back.  I tried losing it again (juice fasting for 60 days and training for and running a half marathon), but I gained that back too.

I decided on December 30, 2018 that I was done.  It started before then but it started in earnest then.  I didn't weigh before I started that day, but I did join the gym and started doing Bright Line Eating.  I was somewhere between 210-215 pounds.  That means that I have lost around 40 pounds.  Which is around 70 pounds from the day I lost Anthony.  But I still have 30-40 to go.  I have tried several things and I want to try more.  That's part of the reason for this blog.  But also...to document my journey.  Of eating.  Of living.  Of finding joy.

Who is Sorena that I talk about at the beginning?  One of my very best friends.  We have been friends since 1983 when she moved to Eagle River.  I have posted a few pictures of her from back then.  I don't have any of her more recently, maybe she will give me some...The first is from 1984.  The second is 2008.  I know because that's the year she came to Alaska with her family....

She is very beautiful.  She has 9 incredible children, every one of which I dearly, dearly love, and she has been there for me in so many ways I can't even count, let alone remember.  She is almost always a part of my journey.  I don't know what picture she posted back then, but maybe she does.

In any case, this won't be in any particular order, but I have at least started (or re-started) it.  We shall see where it takes me.